


unsteady

by bricksiepicks23



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:35:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23543248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bricksiepicks23/pseuds/bricksiepicks23
Summary: one-shots after the time, TK got shot...
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	1. welcome back

"I set up a rest area for you on the couch,"; Owen told his son as he helped TK into the house after they came out of the hospital.

It was the day TK was released from the hospital. Owen led his son to the sofa where he took a seat. Surprised, Tyler discovered that his father had placed all the things that he felt were contributing to his well-being on the kitchen table.

His headphones and his X Box, his Ipad and some drinks. TK grinned amused.

"That's not gonna happen for the next few weeks, is it? Dad, you really don't need to mother me?" Owen smiled in amusement.

"I took three days off. I think you're gonna need someone to take care of you. " With these words he grabbed a blanket and put it over TK before he sat down on the free side of the couch. Tyler grinned tiredly. The drive home from the hospital had exhausted him.

Owen looked at him, gently took TKs hand.

"I'm glad you're alive. "

"Me too, Dad. " He tried to sit up, his face was distorted with pain.

"Try to get some sleep. In the meantime, I'll fix us something to eat and then wake you up. "

Owen tried to sit up, but TK. reached for his hand.

"Could you stay here a little while longer?"; Owen understood immediately, made a very telling head movement.

"Come on, move over. " He grabbed a second blanket, took TK. in his arms. Just like old times. There was something comforting about having your son with you.

Smelling TK and knowing that he was doing well was a visible relief. Tyler placed his head on his father's chest. He had been doing that since he was a little boy. Often he had fallen asleep from it. Owen gently stroked the roots of his hair.

"Thank you. "

"For what?"

"For being there. At the hospital. And for anything else."

"That goes without saying. "

"Apparently not to Mom." Owen sighed.

"TK, you know your mother. She wanted to come, but couldn't get a plane."

"She wouldn't have taken it otherwise. "

"Hey"; Owen paused, looking at his son, who tiredly snuggled up to his father.

"She loves you as I do. "

"Oh, yeah? Then where was she when I OD'd? Or back then, in rehab? Who brought my clothes to rehab? Mom? She was away on business in China again."

Owen didn't say anything, again continuously drove his son over his forehead.

"TK, we were both not there for you enough. Maybe Mom's not at the point yet where she realizes how bad you've felt and what mistakes we've made. "

"Well, she can't if she never sees me. " Owen sighed, but now he didn't say anything back.

"She was worried. Just like me. "

"Let's not talk about Mom anymore, okay?"; Owen gave his son a kiss on the forehead. He felt the tears welling up in him. The straddles of the last few days had visibly affected him. Eventually, he began to cry silently, which Tyler had not failed to notice.

"Dad? Are you crying?"; Owen shook his head. Too fast for TKs.

"These are the side effects of the drugs. You know, for the chemotherapy. " TK snuggled up to his father and took his hand. He didn't want to offend Owen in his male pride. At some point he had fallen asleep because of his father's steady heartbeat.

911-Lonestar-911-Lonestar-911-Lonestar

Owen watched his sleeping son. He didn't dare get up because he didn't want to wake TK.

Thoughtfully he looked at his boy. He had so many similarities with his mother. When Owen was standing in the kitchen an hour later, he was woken by a soft whimper.

"TK"? he whispered worriedly and realized that his boy was rolling restlessly on the couch. Apparently, he seemed to be dreaming.

"TK, hey. " Carefully Owen stepped closer, felt TK's forehead. All of a sudden, he sat up in bed.

"Dad?"

"Hey, it's okay. You were asleep. " TK struggled with tears. Owen realized that his son seemed visibly upset. Gently he stroked his forehead.

"What did you dream?"

"I don't know. Some incoherent stuff. From back in New York. I watched myself dying. " The firefighter smiled at the younger one encouragingly.

"Hey, it's over, okay?"; Tk said nothing, reached out for Owen's hand and crawled into his arms. Owen held his son, pressed a kiss on his dark hair.

"I'm here for you, you know that?" Sniffing, TK. nodded his head.

"Come on, big boy. Let's get something to eat first, and then you'll have a nice day on the couch. " TK smiled at his father through his tears.

911-Lone-Star-911-Lone-Star

"TK , listen. I want to ask you a favor. "

Tense, Owen put the empty plates into the dishwasher before he sat back down in his old place. Surprised, Tyler looked up, nodding his head.

"Sure, go ahead. " Owen seemed obviously nervous.

"You know I'm still in therapy right now because of the things that happened on 9/11. "

TK nodded understandingly.

"My therapist asked if maybe you'd like to come along to present the situation from your perspective. That might help me."

Surprised, TK looked for words.

"Wow, this is sudden. "

"I know. By the way, you should also attend your own therapy sessions. I'm sure you have some things to discuss with your therapist after the shooting. "

"Dad, don't worry about it. I'm okay. I don't remember anything about the shooting. I'm absolutely cracking up."

"You sure?"

He nodded quickly.

"If you want me to, I'll come to your therapy, of course. No problem."

"Thank you. " Tyler had already risen to the top and was about to run to the couch when Owen interrupted him with a question.

"Tyler?"

"Yeah?"

The fact that Owen didn't call him TK already alarmed him.

"Were you trying to kill yourself?"

"What?"; Irritated, TK turned back.

"Did you want to kill yourself back in New York? You know what I mean,"; he alluded to the overdose of oxycodone. Tk didn't look his father in the eye, just swallowed hard. For a long moment he said nothing. Owen looked at him overwhelmed. There was so much suffering in his eyes.

"I'm not judging, I just want to know. " TK avoided his gaze, then shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know. I just didn't know where to go from there. Alex was my foothold then. And I suddenly lost it. " TK made a derogatory hand movement.

"But don't worry, I handled it professionally. " Owen smiled sadly. They looked at each other for a long time before TK. started talking.

"I'm sorry, Dad. You've been through a lot with me. " Owen spread his hands out.

"That's what I'm your father for, huh?"; They held each other in their arms for a long moment. Only the ringing from the direction of the door made them go away from each other.

TK looked at Owen with irritation.

"Is that Zoe? Do you have a date?"

"Not that I know of. " Since TK held his shoulder and still seemed to be visibly weak, Owen decided to open up. Surprised, he stared at Carlos, who looked at him friendly.

"Hey, is TK there? I wanted to drop by for a while so that he could get back on his feet quickly,"; he pointed to a bag of delicacies. Owen smiled kindly at the policeman.

"Well, come on in."


	2. Chapter 2

"You really didn't have to do this."

Embarrassed, TK looked at Carlos. Owen had tactfully left the room so that the men could talk undisturbed.

"How are you doing, anyway?"

"It gets better."

"Do you remember what happened?" Carlos reaped a steady head shake.

"No, I blacked out. All I remember is patting the dog, talking to my father at the station, and from then on, nothing.

"Maybe it's just as well."

"That's what my dad said."

Carlos cleared his throat.

"I just wanted to stop by and bring you a few things to distract you."

TK grinned. Just as Carlos was about to turn around and go to the door, TK grabbed his arm.

"Carlos?"; Irritated, the respondent looked at the fireman.

"Thanks for being there for me at the hospital.

"How did you know?"

TK grinned amused.

"I just know."

911-lone-star-911-lone-star

"Mr. Strand. I appreciate that you join us today"; the therapist looked at TK before her gaze slipped to Owen. Meanwhile two days had passed and since TK wasn't still back on duty, they used the time for the planned therapy appointment.

"Well, I'd like to talk to you about 9/11 and the following months,"; the young therapist, who had introduced herself as Mrs. Fried, started the session, making Tyler looking a little insecure to his father. TK wasn't comfortable with the words, because they awakened a number of unpleasant memories in him, but on the other hand he had not wanted to refuse his father this request.

"Mr. Strand? How did you experience 9/11 when it comes to your dad? How did that make you feel? Can you tell me about it?", she asked TK, who looked up nervously and began to speak hesitantly after a long pause. He was ill at ease. Bringing back the old memories was anything but easy.

"Okay, I'll try. Well, I was about 7 years old and I was in school when my teacher said that planes hit the Twin Towers. I immediately had to think of Dad, because his station was in Manhattan and therefore relatively close to the scene. After the 4th period, my mother came to pick me up. "

"How was her mood?"; the therapist wanted to know. Without looking at Owen, TK. was lost for words.

"She tried to hide but she was scared. We went home and Dad called again. I was just down the hall and my mom started crying. "

"What did he say?"

TK first looked at Owen, who had tears in his eyes, then he looked at the therapist.

"Take good care of TK. I love you. "

"What do you feel when you think about it?"

"I was just a kid then, but I quickly understood what this was all about. That he might not come back. " TK smiled sadly, then turned to his father.

"You promised me that we would go to Disneyland together. I just thought, "Who's gonna take care of me now?"

"Couldn't your mother have done this?", Mrs. Fried asked. TK looked at the therapist with disgust.

"My mom? She was just physically present. Trips mostly included just dad and me. I can't remember a single vacation we ever took together. "

"What happened next? Your father survived. How was the ensuing time for both of you?"; the therapist wanted to know. TK sighed.

"In the evening he came home. Totally messed up. I was already in bed, but suddenly the door opened and he came in. I don't know how long he sat on my bed side, but I knew he was crying. I pretended to be asleep. I didn't know how to handle it. " Also this time TK didn't dare to look at his father. The fear of exposing Owen was too great.

"The next morning he was just back. And just as quickly gone again. The next months you were hardly at home and you even forgot my birthday"; TK turned his head to his dad for the first time, whose look was now horrified.

"That's not true. "

"Yes, you did. Mom needed to remind you. You were busy day and night to search for your "brothers". And two months later you and mom got a divorce."

"Take me along a little longer at this time. How did you experience that, Mr. Strand?", she wanted to know from TK. Owen covered his face with his hands, then tiredly drove himself over his cheeks. For a moment, TK thought he was crying.

"My mother came home in the evening and said we were moving to another apartment. I asked her if Dad was coming with us, but she said no.

"That sounds a bit like you experienced your parents as less present in your childhood and youth?"; TK's gaze wandered to his father again, then he nodded his head.

"The job was just more important than me. "

"That's not true,"; Owen disproved what TK. saw differently.

"You chose your job back then. Just like Mom. " Owen shook his head.

"Dad, we don't have to fight about this. You've been rarely been home. "

"Then who were you living with?"; the therapist asked TK. He raised and lowered his shoulders.

"Well, yeah, until I was 14 with my mom and then with Dad until I turned 18. But it was more like a shared apartment, more like we were room mates. I've just been alone a lot. "

"Mr. Strand, how do you feel about your son telling you this?"; she turned to Owen, who was now really struggling with tears. TK looked at him from a mixture of guilt and helplessness.

"Extremely bad. "

"Is there anything you wish you had said to your father at that time?"; she then turned back to T.K , who nodded.

"That I need him and miss him. " At that moment, Owen could no longer hold back the tears.

He cried softly, which both the therapist and TK reflected with worried faces. After a few minutes of shock, T.K got up, silently embracing his father.

"I'm so sorry,"; Owen whispered, why Tyler strengthened his grip.

"I know. " They held each other in their arms for a long time until they separated. The therapist looked at Owen compassionately.

"How do you feel now?" He nodded confidently.

"Better. But I guess I was a shitty father. "

"What do you think makes a bad father?"; Owen pushed around, ran his hair nervously.

"Well, how do you define it when your son is taking drugs?"; The therapist got wise.

"Can you be more specific?"; Owen sighed heavily.

"TK nearly died last year from an oxycodone overdose. He had drug problems since he was a teenager. If I had set limits for him in time, this might never have happened. " Her gaze wandered to Tyler.

"Why do you think that?"

"Because he had no boundaries. He would have needed someone with a clear set of rules. This is my fault. "

"Mr. Strand, having a child doesn't mean you can control everything. And therefore to speak of guilt? We're not in court. " Owen looked at TK, who gave him a correspondingly sad look back.

"The fact is, you can't turn back time. And even if your son is no longer small, you will have the opportunity to work together on the things that happened back then. " Owen nodded seriously. Then he looked at TK in a meaningful way.


	3. Chapter 3

"Thanks for joining me at therapy", Owen said when he opened the fridge.

"We're good. You would have done the same for me."

"Here you go, son."

Owen placed the water on the table.

TK who was lying on the couch, looked at his dad in confusion.

"I'm not even half-way done with this one", he pointed at the glass cup.

"You heard the doctor. You can't overhydrate. If your..."

TK rolled his eyes.

"Don't tell me what color my pee should be again."

"You need a pillow", Owen grabbed the pillow, when TK started to protest again.

"I'm fine."

"No, you look uncomfortable. Last thing you need is a stiff neck."

"I said, I'm fine. Do you really plan to hover over me like a mother hen for the next three weeks?"

"They said you might heal up in ten days, but yeah. I talked to Deputy Chief said to take as much time at home as I need."

"Dad, that's crazy. You should go back to work."

"What are you gonna do about food?"

"You stocked the fridge and I got a delivery app on my phone. I'll be okay, I promise."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure. You could probably make next shift."

"All right. I'll go get changed. Listen, TK. You'll be back in no time. Two weeks or less."

"Yeah, we'll see."

At this point TK realized for the first time, that he wasn't so sure about it…

911-Lone-Star-911-Lone-Star

Two days later, he spoke it out loud and felt relieved.

TK was surprised that Owen took it so well. That he had assured him that he would support him in every decision, even if it might have meant that TK decided against it to continue working as a fireman. At the time he didn't know what was right or wrong. Had he only chosen the job as a firefighter because he wanted to make up the missed time with his father or because he really wanted to? He was 26 and he questioned his entire life. His father's girlfriend had made it clear to him that this was normal. That after near-death experiences many people would feel this way. But then again, what was normal? He was just about to go towards the guard to talk to his father when he saw a little boy crying on the other side of the road. His sense of responsibility kicked in. Immediately he approached and spoke to the little one. The boy was about 4 or 5 and cried heavily.

"Hey, big guy. Where's your mom?" But the little one just cried.

"Lost. . . shopping,"; TK understood between sobs before he took the boy by the hand and looked at him sympathetically. Carefully he wiped the tears from his cheek.

"What's your name?"

"Tommy. "

"Okay, Tommy. My name is Tyler Kennedy. You and I are going inside this fire station where I work as a firefighter and while I'm looking for your mommy, my colleagues will show you a real fire truck, okay? Does this sounds good?"

The boy nodded and sniffed before he gave TK his hand and both walked inside. Owen, who had just left his office and was walking down the stairs, looked at the little kid with irritation.

"Dad, this is Tommy. He lost his mother while shopping and apparently ran straight here. "

Owen got down to his knees, looked at the little one with concern.

"What's your mama's name, buddy?"

"Angela Simons,"; the little boy whispered.

"And where do you live?"

"In Crestview. " Owen looked at TK in concern.

"You should call Carlos. He's the most likely to help." TK looked up nodding and was about to leave when Owen grabbed his arm.

Tyler looked at his father in surprise. He already wanted to turn around to continue talking to the kid when Owen held him back.

"TK, there's something else. Mom's here. She's upstairs in my office."

"What?!"; Horrified, Tyler looked at his father, who nodded.

"You're kidding me, right?"

But Owen shook his head.

"No, she flew straight here from China to make sure you're okay. " TK looked at his father with wide open eyes. Was she really here? He still couldn't believe it. The fact that his mother only came for him happened very rarely. Accordingly, he tried to avoid the confrontation.

"Hey, Dad. Little change of plans. I'd like to show Tommy the truck. Perhaps it would be better if the others talk to the boy's mother. "

Owen, who could feel what it was all leading to, tilted his head.

"And Mom? Won't you talk to her?"; TK. sighed, avoiding his gaze.

"I don't know what to talk about. " Owen made a wry grimace, carefully putting his arm around his son's shoulder.

"Hey, give her a chance. "

"And who gave me a chance then? Mom? She was far away. "

"Come on, she's really worried. She flew all the way up here for you. " TK rolled his eyes but then nodded his head hesitantly.

"Okay, whatever. But I'm just doing it for you. "

911-Lone-Star-911-Lone-Star

Loudly TK slammed the door of the truck before he sat down next to Tommy on the driver's side. The little boy looked at him curiously.

"We had a brief rescheduling. I'll explain the truck and show you the station later. My colleagues and my friend are informing your mother to come here. " TK looked thoughtfully at the boy, whom he estimated to be about 5.

"Tommy, your mom, does it often happen that she leaves you alone?"

Tommy said nothing at first, but then nodded his head.

"Sometimes. But Nancy often looks out for me. "

"Is that your big sister?"; The boy shook his head.

"No. My babysitter. Mom's a journalist. "

"And your dad?"

"He's not staying with us. He's a lawyer." TK nodded his head sadly. He could imagine what the boy was going through. For a moment he saw himself again in the little one, time-delayed.

"Is your dad really a fireman?"; Tommy asked TK, which he confirmed with a grin.

"Yes, he is. "

"Even when you were little?" For a brief moment, TK was in the past. He had to think of the time he had to spent without his father, of the days he had waited at home for Owen's return. Before 9/11 it was bearable, but after that it became hell.

"Are you sad?", Tommy finally took him out of his thoughts, which is why he flinched in horror.

"No, I'm all good,"; he smiled up and went over to explain the truck to the boy. After some time Marjan knocked on the door to tell them that Tommy's mother was now there to pick up her son. TK helped the boy out of the vehicle, then watched how the little one approached his mother. When he turned around and looked up to the stairs, he saw his own mom, who stared at him in a meaningful way...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mother Strand arrived and TK is not pleased...

Mama, come here  
Approach, appear  
Daddy, I'm alone  
'Cause this house don't feel like home

If you love me, don't let go  
Whoa, if you love me, don't let go

Hold, hold on, hold onto me  
'Cause I'm a little unsteady  
A little unsteady  
Hold, hold on, hold onto me  
'Cause I'm a little unsteady  
A little unsteady

Mother, I know  
That you're tired of being alone  
Dad, I know you're trying  
To fight when you feel like flying

If you love me, don't let go  
If you love me, don't let go

Hold  
Hold on  
Hold on to me  
'Cause I'm a little unsteady  
A little unsteady

-unsteady by x-ambassadors-

911-Lone-Star-11-911-lone- star-911-lone star

"Tyler, good to see you. "

The way Gwenyth looked at him made TK uncomfortable.

"Hey, Mom,"; he gave her a short hug. It was no secret that he didn't had the best opinion of his mother and to be honest he wasn't afraid to show it directly to her. After he reached 18 and was financially independent, there was no reason to pretend like they had been a happy family during all the years.

"You look good,"; she said, what TK commented with a tired smile. He didn't look well. Even a nearly blind man would have noticed that he was visibly limited by the injury and appeared pale because of the time he spent inside the house after his hospitalization.

"I thought you were still at home. I drove to your house until the neighbors told me that you and dad are working. Then I went to the firehouse. "

"This is my home, Mom,"; TK groaned, taking her hands off his shoulder. Gwenyth looked at him in surprise. They glanced at each other and seemed like strangers. Now, at the latest, she had to realize how far apart they were, even if they had the same genes.

"Have you settled in well?"; she tried to start a conversation, which TK commented by shaking his head.

"Mom, I've been living here for a year"; he spoke in disbelief and then decided to go straight on the offensive.

"Come on, let's skip this. Why are you really here?"

Gunned, she looked at him.

"What kind of question is that?"

"I guess it's fair, considering the last time we saw each other. "

"Tyler, I'm really worried about you,"; she said, which TK confirmed with a tense nod.

"Yeah, maybe now. But then?"; She looked at him in disbelief.

"After 26 years, does it occur to you that you still have a son? You didn't care about me living in New York with Dad. Why now?"

Challenging, TK looked at his mother, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"What if I tell you that this wasn't the first time? That I almost died a year ago? Where have you been then?"

Gwenyth searched for words. Overwhelmed, she looked at her son.

"Do you even know why Dad moved here with me? Did he tell you the real reason?"; TK didn't know why, but he enjoyed the desperation on his mother's face.

"I had a relapse and almost died of an overdose around a year ago. Dad found me unconscious and revived me when my heart had stopped. He held me when I cried in his arm, with my shirt full of puke. Where were you then? Where, Mom?"; Perplexed, Gwenyth looked at her son and swallowed hard.

"Why didn't anyone tell me about this?"

"Maybe because you never asked?"; TK became increasingly louder.

"You're never around. When was the last time we saw each other? Two years ago?"

"I'm working. That's my job. Besides, you're not a little kid anymore", Gwenyth shouted and got a reproachful look from Tks side.

"But I am your kid. Or at least I used to be, but that didn't interest you back then. You were only physically present in my childhood,"; he said increasingly quietly, finally turning around and running outside with quick steps, where he first took a deep breath. Tired, he looked up at the sky. Was that just right? He did not come to a conclusion, because a familiar person put his hand on his shoulder.

"Well, trouble with your mother? You don't look like the conversation went well?"

It was Carlos voice.

TK sighed, then he pointed to his car.

"Got a minute? I think I need someone to talk to. "

911-Lone-Star-911-Lone-Star

When TK came home, Owen's SUV parked in the garage. It was already dark and he had spent most of the afternoon with Carlos. Unsuspectingly he ran into the living room. He thought Owen was already asleep, but to his amazement, he sat wide awake on the couch and looked at him reproachfully. TK swallowed hard. That look couldn't be good.

"You're still up?"; he tried to start a conversation, but Owen sat up, walked to him instead with an accusing look.

"Listen, TK. Did you have to do this? That was not the fine way. You know, what I'm talking about. The way you treated Mom. " Tyler moaned and rolled his eyes, then looked reproachfully at his father.

"Dad, please do me a favor and stay out of it. This is just between me and Mom. " But Owen shook his head.

"Unfortunately, it's not that simple. I was married to your mother. " TK groaned again.

"It was the truth, okay? I just told her how I felt. "

"She was crying. She was completely distraught. "

"Yeah? You want to know how many nights I cried because she wasn't there? Because she didn't even visit me in the clinic when I was in rehab?"; Owen looked at his son in a serious way.

"Tyler, at some point, you have to learn to forgive her, too. She is your mother. "

"You saved me from this shit. You revived me when my heart stopped. You held me in your arms, when I was crying, covered in puke. You took me to Austin and insisted that I move in with you because you knew it wasn't good for me to be alone. And? Where was my mother then?"

Owen became increasingly quiet, sat down on the couch. TK. shook his head.

"This isn't working out, Dad. Trust must be earned. At least when it's been abused. " Owen made a serious face.

"Come here", he finally tapped next to him. First TK refused, but finally it animated TK to sit down next to his Dad.

"Listen. I know that she hurt you very badly. But she's still your mother and she loves you. You grew in her stomach for nine months. Give her one more chance. Please. " Tired, TK. drove his hair through his head. Owen came forward quietly with the truth.

"She suggested to invite you to dinner. Tomorrow night at Luigi's, 98th Street." Uncertain, TK. looked at his father.

"Why do you put yourself in this so much?"; he wanted to know and received a meaningful answer.

"We both screwed up. Your mother and I. " That's all he said.


	5. Chapter 5

Happy Easter to all of you!

Folks, if you know someone who wants to read my story and correct it, feel free to write me a message. I'm also on tumblr (https://homeinda-blue.tumblr.com/)  
I'm searching for a beta-reader cause my english isn't that good.  
Thank you for all of your kudos :)  
Have a good day and have fun in the sun :)

911911911911911911

TK slept badly this night.

He was haunted by nightmares.

Around 2:30 a.m he sat up in bed, crying and sweating. The light burned in his eyes.

Thrilled, he stared at Owen, who apparently just had stepped into the room. His father was sitting on the edge of his bed and glanced at him in a worried way.

Tyler looked at Owen, who was gently stroking the back of T.K's hand, before he caressed his forehead.

"Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. I'm here. It's alright", he assured his son.

The gunshot wound forced TK to gasp in pain. He took a deep breath, before his breathing slowly got normal again.

His whole body ached. The dream seemed real. For a moment he couldn't differentiate between reality and fiction.

"Nightmare. I'm sorry", he stammered before falling back onto the pillows.

Owen, who seemed visibly concerned, touched his shirt and realized that it seemed wet.

"Come on, I'll get you something new to wear," he pointed into the neighborhood room.

Owen took a white shirt from the basket and returned to TKs room. When he came back, he realized that his son was crying.

Compassionately, he sat down on the edge of the bed again, then put the shirt on the mattress.

"TK? What's wrong with you? Come on, talk to me."

Tyler sniffled softly and shrugged his shoulders. He felt the whole weight of the preceding weeks coming down on him.

Silently Owen snapped for his hand and squeezed it.

"What is bothering you? Is it because of mom? "

TK shook his head.

"No. It's just... everything," he sobbed.

"The time in the hospital, the thing with mom, then Carlos. I don't even know what's going on. I'm questioning everything", he sobbed softly.

Owen sighed and made a gesture that invited TK to be pulled in a hug.

The younger one cautiously crawled over the mattress. Leaning against his father, he quietly cried into his chest.

Owen held him close, gently caressed his shoulder.

After TK calmed down, he looked at Owen desperately.

"I feel like I'm a visitor in my own life."

Completely overwhelmed, he stared at his father.

"What's the right way, dad?"

Owen smiled sadly.

"I don't know, kid. You have to find out yourself. "

TK looked disappointed. He expected a better answer.

"But I promise you I'll be there and help you when you need me."

"Thank you."

"That's what dad's do."

Meaningful Owen moved his head.

"Come on, try to sleep. Just rest up, okay?"

Owen covered his son like a small child, gave him a kiss on the cheek before he switched off the light.

"Dad?" TK whispered when Owen was already at door height.

"Can you leave the door open?"

"Sure."

Owen smiled sadly before nodding his head.

911-Lone-Star-911-Lone-Star

The next day, TK felt like he was run over by a truck.

Owen had insisted that he should stay at home, but TK really wanted to go to the station. Even though he was still not allowed to work because of the gunshot wound, he liked to meet the rest of the team.

Even though he couldn't go on calls, he enjoyed cooking and pampering the dog.

It was around noon when he wanted to go outside with Buttercup as the dog suddenly pulled on the leash.

TK was literally chased, but couldn't explain why his friend was going nuts.

"Buttercup, hey. What's going on with you?"

The dog started to bark. Tyler moved closer, then he suddenly saw it.

Buttercup sat down, excitedly wagged its tail.

For a minute, TK couldn't believe his eyes.

Wrapped in a towel and just a few meters away from the entrance of the fire station, a tiny baby was lying beneath a tree.

The newborn was sleeping. He noticed how the little chest was moving up and down.

TK felt his heart starting to pound. He knew what that meant.

The Safe Heaven Baby Law applied in Texas. This made it possible for young mothers to take a baby to a fire department without experiencing any legal consequences.

"Buttercup, stay," TK instructed the dog before leaning down and gently taking the baby in his arms.

With a serious expression he looked at the little human, before his face turned to the entrance of company 126.

His dad had just gone on a call with the rest of the team.

"Come on, Buttercup. We're going back. Come here, boy "he instructed the dog to follow him.

TK carefully carried the baby. Everything was messing up in his head. Who did he have to call? What did he need? Diapers and milk? He didn't know anything about infants.

And how about the babys health? Was it hurt?

Since the baby was now waking up and crying quietly, no further considerations were necessary.

TK decided to sit in the waiting area and tried to calm the baby down by gently rocking it in his arms.

"Shh ... everything is fine. We'll take care of you", he assured quietly, until the newborn fell asleep again.

Finally TK pulled out his phone. He needed help. Quick help. Then he had to think about Carlos...

911-Lone-Star-911-Lone-Star

Overwhelmed, the two men looked at the baby who was crying heavily.

"She has full diapers. We have to change them. "

"How do you know it's a girl?"

Carlos rolled his eyes.

"Would you wrap a boy in a pink towel?"

"When I'm poor and have no money?"

TK sighed.

"Can't you search for the parents somehow? Maybe the mother will rethink her decision?"

Carlos, who took off the baby's body, looked incredulously at his friend and sighed.

"How do you expect me to do that? It means safe baby heaven for a reason. If I do that, I'm breaking the law. If that becomes public, you will eventually find dead babies in air ducts or garbage dumps. Then no one leaves their child in public places. "

They both looked at the baby in concern.

"You were right. It's a girl", TK realized minutes later.

"What do you think? How old is she?"

Carlos shook his head.

"Not older than a week," he muttered, changing the diapers as best as he could and getting her dressed again

TK seemed a little overwhelmed. Apparently his friend had more babysitting experiences than he had.

"She might be hungry. Do you see how she moves her mouth? "

"The milk should be ready. We still had baby food and bottles for emergencies. "

TK ran into the kitchen, carefully preparing the bottle. When he came back, Carlos held the little girl on his arms and walked towards him.

"Do you want to feed her?"

He carefully handed the baby to TK, who sat down on the couch, carefully starting to feed her with the bottle.

Carlos, who sat next to him, grinned weakly.

When the baby sucked steadily, the two men looked at each other with satisfaction.

"Thank you for coming," TK whispered, then looked back at the little girl.

"You have to practice a bit for later, huh?" Carlos said quietly and winked at TK when the situation was interrupted by the incoming trucks.

Marjan and Judd were the first to enter the lounge, looking puzzled at the baby in TK's arms.

"Wow, did we miss anything?"

Owen was the last to join his colleagues, looking at his son and his friend with a lot of expression.

"I found the little one in front of our station. Someone put it there. "

Owen looked at TK thoughtfully ...

They both knew what that meant.


	6. Chapter 6

"Okay, I just spoke to DCFS. They won't be here until tomorrow. The lady told me they are currently understaffed,"; Owen confessed with a sigh. Of course he was not amused about it, but the shortage of personnel left the youth welfare office no other choice.

Meanwhile Carlos had left again because he had to go on a call.

TK, who still had the sleeping baby on his arm, looked at his father in shock.

"Not until tomorrow?", he repeated and received a nod from his father.

"I'm afraid so. Since she is apparently healthy and not hypothermic, they see no reason to send her to hospital. "

"And how is that supposed to work? Who's gonna take care of her?" The team looked at TK in a meaningful way and grinned. Tyler swallowed hard, looked at his co-workers in disbelief.

"You're not serious, are you?"

"It's not for the whole time. Just in case we're on a call."

"What about my dinner with Mom?"

"Tonight, I'm gonna babysit her"; Owen assured. TK closed his eyes resignedly. He sighed, then took a deep breath before looking back at the sleeping baby.

"I don't get why the mother gave her away. What kind of situation do you have to be in to give away such a small baby?"

"We won't understand that and it's not our job to judge, but I'm sure she had her reasons. After all, she chose life. She could have easily dumped the baby in the trash. The mom deserves a lot of credit for bringing her daughter here. "

"I'm sure she will get great new parents,"; TK said in a trembling voice and gently stroked the baby's little fist with his finger. When he looked at Owen afterwards, he saw tears in his eyes. T. K. didn't say anything, he just watched the baby again.

"Listen, T.K you have to understand that there are things that are beyond our control. All we can do is help to make the world a little bit better by baby steps. " Tyler sighed.

He already knew that this wouldn't be easy and as usual he was right.

911911911911911

For the next hours TK took care of the baby. He changed diapers, prepared milk and dragged the baby around when she cried. Since they didn't have a stroller, he tied a baby sling around his neck so that he could still go for a walk with the baby and Buttercup. He knew that he was making an important contribution and he did a good job, but he was also happy when he was able to say goodbye to his colleagues and his father and then hand over the care to Owen.

Gwenyth had invited him to an expensive Italian restaurant. T. K. was nervous, even though he didn't understand himself. Maybe because his mother meant more to him than he admitted? Maybe because he felt guilty for slamming the truth so hard at her feet? Tense he walked through the corridor of the restaurant. Gwenyth was waiting for him in the back. She smiled faintly when she saw him. As always she was dressed in her best outfit. T. K looked at her nervously. On the one hand, he felt sorry for her. On the other hand, he would never forget her, how often she had let him down.

"Hey, Mom,"; he finally greeted her, which she commented with an encouraging look. The waiter took the order. Then the worst part of the evening began. The conversation that TK would have preferred to avoid.

"Tyler, listen. I get what you said. I talked to Dad about it and..."

"Forget it. You caught me on the wrong foot. I didn't mean it..."; T. K. tried to convince her, but she nodded determinedly.

"Yes, you did mean it, and you're right about certain things. I gave up on you too soon. I thought all this was working. That you're old enough. That it was dad's turn to take care of you once in a while. " TK saw the desperation in her eyes. She didn't feel good about it.

"I overestimated that and even though I can't turn back time and know that I have no place in your life right now, I want you to know that I care about you. "

T. K. struggled for words. He wanted to tell her so much, but couldn't find the right sentences. Luckily, that wasn't necessary. Gwenyth took her handbag, rummaged in it for a moment and took out a small album.

"This is what I wanted to give you for your birthday. " She slid the photo album over the tabletop. TK took it in his hand, then looked at his mother with a serious expression.

"T. K. , I love you. You're my son and you'll always be my boy. Even when I'm not here. And if you can't have me in your life right now, then I have to accept that. But it's never going to change the way I feel about you. " TK avoided her eyes. Instead he concentrated on the photo album and leafed through it diffusely. Fascinated he looked at the pictures. She had immortalized every stage of his life with a photograph.

"My plane leaves tomorrow morning. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. "

"I'm sorry, Mom,"; T.K whispered quietly, before he wordlessly reached for his mother's hand, which he squeezed. Gwenyth secretly wiped the tears from her face.

"Sure you won't change your mind and stay here a few more days?"; he stammered unsteadily. But she shook her head.

"No, it's better this way. But if you like, you can come and visit me anytime. I don't care if it's your boyfriend. I'd be delighted. Any time,"; she stressed again. TK nodded his head sadly. Then he gave his word.

911-911-911-911

Owen was sitting on the couch when T. K. entered the living room.

"Hey, little munchkin,"; Tyler greeted the baby who lay in his father's arms and was just being fed with a bottle by him. Curious, the Captain looked at his son.

"It will be difficult to turn her over to Social Services tomorrow. She has really grown on me,"; he confessed to his dad, who nodded in agreement.

" I'm sure she'll get the best parents. By the way. How was the talk with Mom? Judging by the look on your face, it could have been worse. " TK nodded contentedly.

"It was okay. We're good."

"Really?"

"Yes. She will take a flight back tomorrow, but I think she knows what it's all about, now. Look what she made for me. " T. K. opened the photo album, which brought a smile to Owens face. It showed the Strand family in different phases and presented TK at different stages of development.

"Looks like she has excelled herself."

"I don't even remember these pictures. "

TK looked at the picture that showed him as a baby on Owen's arm. His dad gently stroked over his little face. The captain smiled in amusement.

"You were so tiny then. And so helpless. A week old at most. As old as the little one here,"; he pointed to the baby who had fallen asleep in the meantime. Then he went on to the next picture, which showed his ex-wife nursing TK.

"You loved that. We used to have this old rocking chair and Mom would sit there with you for hours and hours and sing to you until you fell asleep. " The next pictures showed TK with his father on his arm in the fire station. He must have been about one or two years old. In another picture he was dressed as a 3 year old boy in a fireman costume.

Although they seemed amusing, the photos made TK remain in silence. It was undisputed that Owen's job with the fire department influenced his choice of career, but he still didn't know whether he did it because he really wanted to do it or because he secretly admired his father and wanted to make up for lost time. The following photos documented TK's development. T.K as a 6 year old school child, how he played basketball or skateboard with seven and nine. T.K with other children at the fire station or at the playground in Central Park. The album even included photos of his youth.

The pictures showed him at a barbecue party with friends. He looked pale, had long hair and circles under his drug addiction was visible. This was followed by a long break before the next pictures showed TK's time as a probie at the New York Fire Department. Shortly afterwards the album ended and with it the closer contact of his mother.

Thoughtfully, father and son looked at the pictures of TK's graduation ceremony. Owen looked at T.K in concern.

"Oh, oh. I know that look. Your euphoria lasted for 10 minutes and 20 seconds,"; Owen looked at his watch. That's all he said. This was not even necessary, because he knew where the problem was. Obviously it didn't lead to mother.

"Let me guess, you're still thinking about what to do next. "

"What do you think, Dad? Where do you see me in five years?"; A question to which Owen had no answer. Instead, he avoided the issue.

"How about trying to do a few things? In various fields. You could go to college?" T. K. looked at his father in disbelief.

"Studying? At 26?" He wasn't comfortable with it.

"Doesn't have to be college. There are plenty other jobs."

"I don't know, Dad. I don't know anything more right now. Except I still question everything. " Compassionately Owen looked at his son, put his hand around his shoulder.

"You don't have to decide today or tomorrow. Try to find yourself again first. " If it was that simple. Thoughtfully T.K glanced at the baby. He would have given everything to start life by zero again...


	7. Chapter 7

The next day came faster as expected. T. K and Owen took the baby to the firehouse.

"And? Did you talk to DCFS?", T. K. wanted to know when he joined his father during lunch. Thoughtfully, he looked at the baby Owen was holding. His father nodded before he gently rocked the little one in his arms again.

"What did they say?"

"She will be placed in a foster home and if that goes well, she may stay there forever. " T. K. reached out his finger to the infant. True to her reflex, she enclosed it with her hand.

"I think I made a mistake", he mumbled, avoiding eye-contact with his father. Owen looked at his son in amazement.

"What do you mean?"

"Her mom must have loved her very much, otherwise she wouldn't have had her. In the beginning I didn't quite understand that, but in the meantime I realized that love also means to let go. Just like mom did." Owen looked at his son in surprise.

"I think I know now that she cares for me. Even though she made a lot of mistakes. To understand your parents, you have to understand the generations before them. " Stunned, Owen stared at his son.

"Probably because her mother was like that. "

"Wow, when did you get so wise?"

T. K. smiled amused, then shrugged his shoulders. He stroked the baby's face, then turned to his father.

"To change the subject, I'm going to see Carlos later. Can I leave early?"

"Oh, so that's it. " Owen pushed around, then nodded his head.

"Sure, you're off duty anyway. "

"I guess I'll have to say goodbye to the little one now. When I come back tonight, she'll have been picked up. Could you handle her to me again? For the last time"; Owen carefully placed the baby in T. K. 's arm. Gently, Tyler stroked her head.

"Take good care of yourself, okay?", he whispered and placed a kiss on her head.

"And in 10 or 15 years, you drop in for a visit and show us what you've become. " He blinked away the tears before he handed the baby to his dad and disappeared upwards. No one needed to see him crying in secret. . .

911-911-911-911

T. K. was sitting in the firehouse when a loud bang took him out of his flashback. For a moment he had problems to orientate himself. The memories were close enough to touch. Slowly he came back to reality and watched the truck entering the station. After a crazy day, which he spent at the hospital for a few hours, he had made up his mind. He would tell them. They had the right to now. During the last month the team had become a family for him.

His dad was the first to realize something was wrong.

"What are you doing here. How did it go at the hospital?"

"Nothing crazy. They just added a couple extra stitches. I'm good."

"Why do you look like you're about to jump off of a cliff?"

T.K ignored his father. Instead he walked to the rest oft he team.

"Guys, I want to talk to you about something."

He felt extremely nervous. It took a few seconds before he could get the attention.

"And, um if you could bear with me cause it's kind a lot."

T.K took a deep breath, then startet to speak.

"I'm an addict."

Owen tried to interrup him but T.K turned around.

"No, Dad. I need to do this. Please."

He looked at his co workers again.

"It's opioids. A few months back in New York I had a relapse, a pretty bad one. I OD'd and my dad , well my captain he found me unconcious. My heart had stopped and well, he did what he does best and he saved my life and the only reason I came down here was because he forced me to. You know? What I'm trying to say is, I never really chose this for myself. Any of it Not even becoming a firefighter. And uh..Well", TK felt tears filling his eyes and a frog in his throat coming up. That's when Judd started to act.

"Hey, say what you have to say."

"He's right man, we got you", Paul cheered him up.

"Yeah, well that's the point cause today at that intrasection when that woman was dying I would have given her everything I had to save her and I did give her everything I had but it wasn't enough", TK turned his head again to his father.

"Until you showed up. All of you guys and I know in that instant not that only she was gonna be okay but I was gonna be okay too because this is what I wanna do for the rest of my life. And at least for now this is where I wanna do it with you guys so I choose this family. Because this is where I belong", he first looked at the team before he faced Owen.

His words ended in hugs of joy before Owen send them all to take a shower.

Looking at his son he still had concerns.

"Are you sure about this? It was a traumatic day, you don't have to make this decision right now."

"Dad", TK looked him deep in the eyes.

"I've never been so sure about anything in my entired life."

The way he looked at him lead Owen to the thought that T.K's heart spoke at this moment. He pulled him in a hug.

"I've got to do some paperwork. See you at home", he already said when they were interrupted by a shadow. It was Carlos.

"Wow, how many life decisions did you make today?"

T.K twinkled at him

"One at a time, Dad", he said before turning his back and walking straight to his boyfriend…

911-911-911

When T. K. got home that night, Owen had fallen asleep on the couch.

Buttercup tiredly turned his head in Tyler's direction before lowering it again.

"Go back to sleep, boy," T. K mumbled before turning off the TV and reaching for a blanket, which he carefully put over Owen. Slowly he sat down on the armchair next to him and looked at his father, who slept peacefully. T. K. listened attentively to his breathing. There were moments that scared him. Moments when he was gripped by the panic that his father would die in the foreseeable future from the consequences of lung cancer. That he might have lost it. Everyday life could cover up the tension well, but it didn't work always.

Ever since T. K was little, he wanted to be like his dad. He had adored Owen, loved him. Life without him seemed unimaginable. Carefully, Tyler leaned forward, then gently touched the back of his hand to his father's forehead before pausing and sitting up. Owen looked exhausted. Although he tried his best, the effects of chemo had not gone unnoticed.

T. K carefully pulled the blanket straight and turned off the light before he quietly disappeared into his room. . .


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning he was woken up by loud noises coming from the bathroom.

T.K instinctively snapped at his smartphone, which displayed several unread messages from Carlos.

"Let's meet after work. I will cook, love you."

T.K smiled, but didn't get too much time to think because the noise from the bathroom got him out of his thoughts. Today was supposed to be his first day after his injury break, but he had lost much of his enthusiasm.

He sat up frantically, running across the floor into the bathroom.

As he suspected, Owen knelt over the toilet bowl and threw up.

When T.K stepped behind him worriedly, he had already straightened up and pushed the flush.

"Dad, are you all right?"

Nothing was okay, but the question made the situation more bearable.

Owen made a meaningful gesture. T.K handed him the required towel, which he used to wipe his mouth. That day Owen looked pale and worn out.

"You really don't look good today. You should stay at home. "

But Owen shook his head.

"It's okay. Don't worry."

"Sure?" T.K asked, but Owen nodded confidently and reached for the pill box to take out 2 pills of the Carnisetron.

T.K, who was leaning against the door frame, watched his father with concern. Suddenly fear gripped him. It had gotten worse. Gradually the effects of chemotherapy became more and more noticeable.

"Hey," Owen's voice finally winced.

"Don't worry about me. I'm okay. Really."

Owen started to leave, but TK blocked his way, then wrapped his hands around his stomach and crawled into his arms.

He returned the hug and pulled T.K close.

"I'm afraid."

"Why?"

"That the cancer is stronger than you."

Owen sighed and stroked his son's back comfortingly.

He said nothing for a long moment before he broke away from his son and lovingly stroked T.K's cheek. With the back of his hand he wiped away the tears.

"You know that I can't give you a guarantee, but I will do everything I can to get well and according to the values, I am on the right track."

T.K looked at his father with pity. Owen pointed to the next room.

"Come on, get ready. Otherwise we'll be late. We have to go."

911-911-911-911-911

Just six hours later, T.K wished he hadn't gotten up that day.

The team returned to the fire station, rather sad.

His first assignment had started with two deaths.

They were called to a house fire because a boy had been playing with fire while his mother was shopping.

When they got to the scene, the house was already on fire. T.K and Judd had made it to the top floor of the house and taken the children outside, but even the attempts to resuscitate them couldn't bring them back.

The 5-year-old and her 7-year-old brother had died as a result of smoke poisoning. That day T.K hated his job. Until now, such operations have been limited, but what was seen had left its mark.

"I'll rest a bit, try to get some sleep", he said shortly and left the truck with his shoulders drooping. He took off his uniform and ran upstairs. As soon as he closed the door behind him, he started to cry softly.

For the first time, he had been unable to help two children. Of course, this was not the first time children were affected, but mostly his colleagues in New York had resuscitated or the kids made it to the hospital in time and died there. Everything was different this time.

Again and again T.K saw the pictures of the dead children in front of his eyes.

Sobbing, he sat on his bed and cried in his palms.

Did he fail? Could he have given more? Was it him? Should he have given mouth to mouth any longer?

His thoughts were interrupted when the door opened.

He felt footsteps echo through the room before someone took a seat in front of him and put his hand on his shoulder.

He looked at Judd with tearful eyes, who gave him a sympathetically look and shook his head.

"Brother, don't do that to yourself. None of this was your fault. "

Judd stroked his back while T.K sobbed softly.

When he calmed down a little, he wiped the tears from his face with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

"I know it's bad, but we did everything we could. You have to understand that there are things between heaven and earth that we cannot control and that are not in our power. We didn't make the world. "

"But if I had tried CPR any longer, then .."

"No."

Judd shook his head.

"And you know that very deep in here too," he pointed to T.K's heart.

"Even if we had managed to get her back, the oxygen loss would have been so great that the girl would have been severely disabled. You have to get away from seeing that as your personal failure. What happened there is bad, but we cannot save everyone. I'm warning you to go down the same dark road as I did, "Judd explained.

"She was only 5. That is not fair," sniffed T.K, which Judd nodded.

"No, it is not," he confirmed.

Judd also fought back tears.

"I am not your father and I will not tell you what is right or wrong, but I recommend that you do not deal with it on your own. You weren't the only one going into this house. There are four others who mourn, even if they may not be able to show it. "

The door opened again. Judd turned back, patted T.K on the shoulder, and then rose to look meaningfully at Owen, who remained in the doorway.

"Think about it. I'll be downstairs if you need me. "

With that he disappeared from the room. Quiet steps announced another visit. Without turning around, T.K knew that it was his father sitting next to him on the edge of the bed. T.K never looked at him. He didn't want Owen to see his tears and worry, but it was too late for that.

Owen said nothing, took T.K's hand.

"I want you to come down to the meeting room afterwards for the debriefing. I have invited our counselor. And then you go home. "

T.K looked up in confusion.

"I don't need that."

"This is not a suggestion, but an instruction from me as a captain. You're not feeling well and I don't want what happened in New York to repeat itself. "

"You think it would be better if I stayed at home today? That she might still be alive because I'm not fit. "

Owen looked at his son in shock, then shook his head.

" T.K, nobody doubts your willingness to work. You gave everything that was possible. But what I do notice is that today's thing pulls you down incredibly. Mentally, not physically and that's why I want you to take 3 days off. I was on the phone with Carlos earlier. He is on vacation now and will take care of you. "

"What?! Dad, I don't need a babysitter. "

"It's for your own good."

T.K stared reluctantly, then sighed.

Owen stroked his arm.

"You have done nothing wrong."

T.K tried to pull himself together, but at the latest when he saw the blonde hair and the dead eyes of the girl in front of him again, he couldn't hold back the emotions.

He sobbed softly. Owen pulled him into a long hug until he cried on his shoulder.

"It's over," he heard his father say, knowing that it wasn't true, but sometimes lies made life easier ...


End file.
